HA HA HE HE HE HA hehehehehehe hoo hoo A HAHAHAHEHEHEHEHE Ha HA he ….he he …OK …ok ok im good…. He he he. Ok (sigh) that was that was, WOW hoo-boy… how do I explain it…? I'll try….
"What's Salvia? " My eyebrow jumped an inch and I began to sit up straight.
"Its TOTALLY legal. We bought a gram at Northern Hemp-shere for like forty bucks. Dude, we smoked a joint and we were fucked for a whole weekend! " He presented a small vial, no bigger then my pinky , from his pocket . "One hit," his voice oozes with enthusiasm " and you trip fucking balls."
"That sounds too good to be true, what's the catch?" besides the price obviously. My leather jacket moans as I slump back down. Why am I wearing my leather jacket inside ? Duh, it’s a leather jacket.
" So far, there isn't one. But I mean…anything that does THIS can't be good for you ." Yeah, that’s the same conclusion that I deduced.
"IIIII doooonnnnn't knoooowwww , it probably burns a hole in your brain. That shit can't be good for you."
"So you wanna hit?"
"Of course."
He unscrews the lid and reveals the contents. It looks like…like when I rub my hands together after a day of work and all the dirt rolls up into black strands. He takes a mouse's pinch off the very tip the earthy gunk, ever so gently places it in the bowl, and hands me the pipe. "Just take a little hit, don't haul on it."
"Nah, of course, of course." The flame hits the gunk and I commence. One second becomes two, becomes three, becomes four, five, six …If someone says don’t haul on it, what are you gonna do right ? His face starts to bloom, eyes widen, jaw sinks, astonishment ? No, not astonishment, something else… wait a minute… Where did he go ?? The shadows? The shadows ate him……
How did I get here? Im back at Futureshop. Awwww I hate this job…how did I get here?!?! What's in my hand? A peg hook? I gotta stock the rack… Something is different about this place? Where is everyone else? He..he he…hehe ha…heheheheheHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD!!!! It tickles! it tickles…My Jacket is tickling me….oh wait, wait, its just melting. Melting?!?!? In that Case…. HAHAHAHAHAHA HEHEHEHE…(etc.)
The store has become engulfed in flames that burn like feathers on your feet. Chunks from the ceiling tiles are crumbling to the ground. CRASH! CRASH! CRASH Oh, its just the windows exploding, no worries. Shelves collapse, televisions roll their eyes, a package of double, no triple A batteries begin to dance. Everywhere, the glowing orange hue of friendly flames…. Tee hee
"Kyle? Dude?"
"HAHAHAHA HEHEHEHE he he, heh, heh, ha, BWAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh my god! THE ROOF, THE ROOF, THE ROOF IS ON FIRE! WE DON’T NEED NO WATER, LET THE MOTHER FUCKER BURN."
"Dude this is the funniest thing ive ever seen. Hey , Hey Kyle!"
"I SAID, THE ROOF, THE ROOF , THE ROOF IS ON FIRE , WE DON’T NEED NO WATER LET THE MOTHERFUCKER BURN. HA! I say what what, I say groove baby groove. When I say ROOF you say BURN. ROOF…..? I said ROOF….? Huh?" ....Where am I? Oh yeah….. "Wow. That was…wow. How long was I gone?"
"About fifteen seconds. Dude, you are hilarious!"
Later...
The office is cramped with boxes and papers are strewn about the desk. Mike sits down across from me. Our eyes meet. Mike (picture Bart Simpson at thirty years old but without the slingshot) folds his hands together and plunks them onto the desk.
"Kyle. Its just not gonna work out. I have to let somebody go.."
"Wait! Your firing me?"
"Im sorry. You can finish the day or go home right now if you want. You'll get paid for the hours you…"
"Dude! ….That’s hilarious! OH my god! That’ amazing!"
" Excuse me?"
"Oh, uh, never mind. Later chief."
PS> CHECK THIS OUT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JPfnJVEr8E&feature=PlayList&p=8E0E5045A92C03BD&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2
IF THE LINK DOESNT WORK< JUST LOOK FOR THE VIDEO TITLED "writing a letter to congress on Salvia" i HOPE YOU ENJOY.
PEACE
We talked about how difficult it is to write with humour, so im taking a detour from my normal style to answer the challenge. Did you laugh?
ReplyDeleteHey Kyle,
ReplyDeleteI laughed, it was funny I like how you wrote the different types of laughter because it made me picture (?) the sound in my head which made me laugh. You also did some really good descriptive writing,example "It looks like…like when I rub my hands together after a day of work and all the dirt rolls up into black strands." That was great "showing" and I like the detail you put even in your hallucination "Shelves collapse, televisions roll their eyes, a package of double, no triple A batteries begin to dance. Everywhere, the glowing orange hue of friendly flames..." because you are showing us just how crazily messed up you were instead of telling us. Also the singing was hilarious.
-Meg
I agree with Meghan, the description was really good. Until I saw that she already quoted it, I was going to site the same part as her too ("the dirt rolls up into black strands") because it stands out to me. I also like the line: "Our eyes meet. Mike (picture Bart Simpson at thirty years old but without the slingshot) folds his hands together and plunks them onto the desk." It's a good image of how a boss would act.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about the laughter. It was a great opening. It was the reason I decided to read this post, because I saw the opening and wanted to read it right away, but it may have been a bit much. Maybe that was the point. Your dialogue was really good. It sounded very natural, the way people actually do talk.
I don't really know what the "so what" question was, because it seems like it didn't relate to any greater meaning other than getting high, but it was a fun read nonetheless.
Hello Kyle
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I have to applaud you for tackling a difficult subject to pull off well. Drug stories are difficult to write because they can be funny, poignant, scary, meaningful and meaningless all at the same time, while taking courage to write truthfully about the subject. They require lots of skill to describe thing things you feel and see when under the influence. I took this class because of the writings of Hunter S. Thompson and “the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test” by Tom Wolfe and was very surprised at the lack of attention they have received. As the year wore on, I was hoping for more the alternative, edgy side of creative non-fiction to show up, but we continued with the more ubiquitous dead/dying person narrative and nostalgic memories sides of the genre. It’s a shame...but my editorial aside.
I really liked this piece, it made me laugh out loud several times, but, at the same time, it has some problems that prevent it from being really good.
First of all, there are many funny moments, particularly the joke about the leather jacket and the moment when you start singing fire water burn by Bloodhound gang, hilarious stuff. Also, there is a moment where you give a really good, vivid description of the hallucination “The store has become engulfed in flames that burn like feathers on your feet. Chunks from the ceiling tiles are crumbling to the ground. CRASH! CRASH! CRASH Oh, its just the windows exploding, no worries. Shelves collapse, televisions roll their eyes, a package of double, no triple A batteries begin to dance. Everywhere, the glowing orange hue of friendly flames….”. Those types of descriptions are vital for the reader, because most people have not shared this experience (taking salvia) and they have no frame of reference to know what you are feeling. So, by "showing" so well, you help bring the reader into your experience.
There are some things that I believe need some work in order to make this post really shine. The story should start with your friend, who should get more character description, saying “It’s totally legal”. It brings the reader into the action in the conversation and pulls them in. Then afterwards you can extrapolate from the conversation that you are speaking about salvia. I would also watch your quality control in writing, get someone to proofread it, because there are lots of little mistakes that can make reading comprehension at times awkward. In a story like this, it is very important to not let the reader come out of the experience once they are caught up in it. Sentences like “Dude this is the funniest thing ive ever seen. Hey , Hey Kyle!" can be cleaned up on second and third readings. Finally, the ending seems tacked on. While the intended purpose is to show that your trip “foreshadowed” your firing (i.e. fire at your store, you get fired at the store), I believe it needs to be more explicitly represented. I recognize that it is a difficult thing, negotiating what you want the reader to know without saying “this is it”. Perhaps, you could attach the two parts more by whistling fire water burn as you walk out of the something of that nature, connecting the two pieces of the story. I believe it just needs alittle more explaining for the reader to “get it” immediately.
Despite some of the issues of this post, I can definitely say it was one of the more enjoyable to read. I wish I had the chutzpah to share my fantastic story of the first time I smoked Salvia. Good work Kyle!
- Jeremy
Wow! I've never been high (maybe except for what I wrote about in my blog post), but that sounds like quite an experience. To take getting fired so well is hilarious and totally funny.
ReplyDeleteI feel that your narrative is consistently strong in your blog posts, but you could look at the middle parts of your blogs as an opportunity.
You always start strong and finish strong, but the middle of your posts tend to slump a little bit. I think that would be particularly difficult in this post because you are writing about being high, which would mean a cohesive narrative structure wouldn't work.
I think overall you made the subject work well for you. You put the experience into a lot of detail which really makes this piece stand out.
Personally, I think this is your best post so far. Good luck with future writing.